The EA make exceedingly good cakes

I eye up the roach and rudd swimming in a tank outside the lunch marquee laid on by the EA, like you would. I note that they are the perfect size for *ahem*, until a familiar voice whispers: "Don't even think about it..."

I shake hands with one of my contacts I haven't seen in ages, who looks slightly surprised by my choice of tuck - a plate of mainly salad and a bottle of fizzy water. "You should try the cup cakes," he says. "The EA's had them 'specially made."

The cakes are indeed tasty. You can even eat the EA logo on them. I abandon my dark designs on the roach and wander back into the marquee, in search of more cup cakes.