Thursday, May 16, 2013

Fishing..? I'm afraid that doesn't count as exercise

I do go fishing quite a lot, nurse - does that count..?

"No, I'm afraid it doesn't," says the nurse. "Sitting on the riverbank doesn't exactly constitute exercise, now, does it..."

But I'm getting into lure fishing at the moment. It's a highly mobile method of targeting predatory species, and, um...

"At your age, you need to take exercise. Regular, moderate exercise - preferably daily," says the nurse, typing something into her keyboard. *bing* goes the computer. Something flashes up on the screen.

"I have a flag saying that your blood pressure was a borderline concern last time you came to see the doctor," says the nurse, attaching one of those velcro inflatable things with tubes coming out of it to my arm.

Phwurrrr, phwurrr-urrrr, phwurrrr, phwurrrr-urrrr-urrrr, it goes as she pumps it up. *bing* goes the computer. Something else flashes up on the screen.

"Hmmm, I see," says the nurse, typing something else into her keyboard. "I'm afraid it hasn't come down yet, it's still borderline. Still a smoker..?"

Well, yes, but...

"Then you need to stop," says the nurse, peering at her screen. "I just need to weigh you now to help me get a better picture of your overall health, to see what changes we might need to make."

I empty my pockets. The nurse looks disapprovingly at the Zippo and baccy tin.

"We need to look at your diet as well," the nurse says as I get off the scales.  "You're not obese, but you're borderline over-weight. You need to cut down on the fried food and probably your salt intake.

"Turning to your urine, your urine came back fine, so no problems there that I can see. But I think we'd better book you in for a blood test and an ECG just to be on the safe side," she adds, with a final flourish on her keyboard. *bing* goes the computer. "Thankyou, I'll see you next month, that's all for now."

The receptionist hands me a leaflet as I book a series of appointments. It advises me to shave my upper chest before my scan.

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